Earlier this year, my partner and I kept getting into the same fight over and over again.
Now, parts of this fight boiled down to the fact that I was uncomfortable with allowing him to have his sacred alone time.
Whether you’re single and trying to connect with others, or if you’re in a steady relationship, allowing a comfortable amount of time and space for your partner to explore their own unique individuality is an integral facet of honouring them!
Consciously, I would try my best to give him this space.
But subconsciously, my inner child was screaming: “Ahh, he doesn’t love me! He’s going to abandon me!”
And when your subconscious and conscious monologues don’t line up, that’s when chaos begins to seep in. That’s also when I decided, maybe this is a good time to book a session with my therapist. She might be able to offer a perspective that we haven’t been able to uncover yet.
My healing journey
And so when I sat down to speak with my therapist, she mentioned the different attachment styles and how this was a characteristic of an anxious attachment.
Now, I’ve taken the quiz and knew what she was talking about, but I never really fully accepted or felt the pull to explore this facet of me that feels insecure in a relationship.
Because, it had never been too much of a problem before. But, for the sake of my relationship now, I had to!
I began exploring and researching a lot more about anxious attachment styles and how to slowly start to heal this aspect of me. I talk more about it in my mental health guide for “Gen Zs”.
Like most things in psychology, it stems from a childhood need that wasn’t met and became internalised. And as an adult, I saw it as my responsibility to go back and become aware of what was happening and how it was affecting the way I form relationships.
I am a reader; I always have been!
I began to explore this attachment through a few books. I believe books can have an incredible power to transform our understanding of ourselves and our relationships.
For those grappling with an anxious attachment style, the right books can offer profound insights and practical strategies to foster healing and growth.
In this article
I plan to explore 5 books that provided me a lot of guidance while navigating and healing from an anxious attachment style. These books are not just informative; they are transformative, helping you build healthier, more secure relationships. So, let’s dive into these essential reads!
- 1. Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
- 2. Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson
- 3. Attached to God: A Practical Guide to Deeper Spiritual Experience by Krispin Mayfield
- 4. Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship by Stan Tatkin
- 5. The Power of Attachment: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships by Diane Poole Heller
- Wrapping Up
1. Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller
Key Themes:
- Understanding different attachment styles
- Strategies for forming secure relationships
- Real-life examples and practical advice
If you’re new to attachment theory and want a comprehensive yet accessible introduction, “Attached” is the perfect start.
It’s especially beneficial for those who want to recognize and adjust their anxious behaviours in relationships. This book is ideal for individuals seeking practical advice and relatable examples to help them understand and manage their attachment style.
“Attached” is a foundational literature for understanding attachment theory and its impact on relationships.
Levine and Heller break down complex psychological concepts into easy-to-understand language, offering readers practical strategies to form and maintain healthy relationships.
2. Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson
Key Themes:
- Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
- Building emotional security in relationships
- Practical conversations for deeper connection
“Hold Me Tight” is perfect for couples looking to strengthen their emotional bond and create a secure relationship.
If you or your partner have an anxious attachment style and struggle with communication, this book offers practical exercises and guided conversations to deepen your connection.
It’s an excellent resource for anyone interested in Emotionally Focused Therapy.
Dr. Sue Johnson’s “Hold Me Tight” introduces readers to Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), a groundbreaking approach to relationship therapy.
Through seven key conversations, Johnson helps couples develop a deeper emotional connection and a stronger, more secure bond.
3. Attached to God: A Practical Guide to Deeper Spiritual Experience by Krispin Mayfield
Key Themes:
- Integrating attachment theory with spirituality
- Deepening your relationship with God
- Healing past attachment wounds
This book is for individuals who want to explore how their attachment style impacts their spiritual life.
If you’re seeking to integrate your faith with psychological insights, “Attached to God” provides a unique perspective.
It’s ideal for those looking to deepen their relationship with God while addressing and healing anxious attachment patterns.
“Attached to God” blends attachment theory with spirituality, offering readers a unique approach to healing.
Mayfield explores how our attachment styles influence our relationship with God and provides practical steps to enhance spiritual growth and healing.
4. Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship by Stan Tatkin
Key Themes:
- Neuroscience of love and attachment
- Conflict resolution
- Building secure, loving relationships
“Wired for Love” is tailored for individuals and couples who want to understand the brain science behind attachment and relationship dynamics.
If you’re interested in the intersection of neuroscience and attachment theory, this book offers valuable insights and practical advice for creating a secure and loving partnership.
It’s great for those looking to enhance their relationship through a deeper understanding of their partner’s attachment style.
Stan Tatkin’s “Wired for Love” combines neuroscience with attachment theory to help couples build stronger, more resilient relationships.
By understanding how the brain influences behaviour, readers can learn to defuse conflicts and foster a secure, loving connection.
5. The Power of Attachment: How to Create Deep and Lasting Intimate Relationships by Diane Poole Heller
Key Themes:
- Healing attachment wounds
- Creating secure attachments
- Tools for deeper intimacy
This book is for anyone seeking a thorough understanding of how to heal from attachment wounds and build lasting, intimate relationships.
If you struggle with anxious attachment and want a holistic approach to healing, “The Power of Attachment” provides comprehensive tools and exercises.
It’s an excellent choice for those committed to personal growth and developing secure attachments.
Diane Poole Heller’s “The Power of Attachment” delves into the intricacies of attachment wounds and offers a well-rounded approach to healing tackling several areas of wellness.
Heller provides readers with practical tools and exercises to develop deeper, more secure intimate relationships.
Wrapping Up
Healing from an anxious attachment style is a journey, but the right resources can make all the difference.
These 5 books on anxious attachment offer a wealth of knowledge and practical strategies to help you understand and overcome anxious attachment, paving the way for healthier, more secure relationships.
Reading about this topic definitely helped with my healing journey. Specially in times when I was feeling lost and incapable of dealing with it by myself. I hope it will help you with your journey as well! 🙂
