Three years ago, I was in a constant state of disarray because I had no idea what I was doing with my life.
I called it my “quarter-life” crisis. It began four months after graduating college, which, in my mind, was the most fucked-up part.
Isn’t this first year or two after graduating supposed to be the most hopeful, imaginative, and inspiring years? Shouldn’t you get at least two years before the next phase of adulthood dread and more real life problems set in?
Finally, I had the opportunity and the time to explore anything I wanted to.
But what was that?
Needless to say, that period after graduating when you slowly start to realize the world you’re going to live in for the rest of your life can be really confusing. In this article I’ll share my experience with a life coach as a young adult.
Life coach for young adults
I felt the optimism of knowing there were endless opportunities out there for me, but at the same time, a hidden sense of despair clouded my ability to embrace them.
I wasn’t giving myself permission to take real risks. So, I was stuck in a confusing space where:
● I didn’t know what I wanted to do
● Couldn’t give myself permission to truly dive in and explore my options.
1 Year in Spain
After a lot of back and forth with my parents, I convinced them that I’d study business in Spain for a year. I painted getting an MBA abroad as an ambitious option for my gap year before medical school. And they agreed, as long as I promised to apply after my year abroad.
But after my year in Spain, I still felt the same way I did after graduating. I described it to my friends as feeling like an astronaut free-floating in space—directionless, adrift, and without a tether.
It was coming up on two years of feeling this way now.
I had no clue what I wanted in terms of my career, my relationships, or anything really about my future. I realized I needed to take charge and tether myself to something, but I had no idea what that something should be.
The 1st session
During my adventure in Spain, a friend introduced me to an old business professor of theirs who was also a life coach.
I had no idea what coaches were, what they did, or had ever been to one before.
He recommended this mentor with a really positive endorsement and shared his personal experience, so I thought, “Why not? What do I have to lose?”
I remember taking a video call with her on my lunch break in the middle of my semi-corporate day job.
I snuck into a seldom-used room, put my headphones on, and settled in for the call. She prefaced our conversation by saying:
“You get out of this session what you put into it.”
Then she asked me, “What would be the most ideal outcome from this session?”
I told her I’d love to get a crystal clear clarity on what I should be doing with my life.
She chuckled and proceeded with our session. We spoke about many things, from my parents to my relationships and the expectations I was upholding.
The questions she asked me
My biggest takeaway came when we started to talk about change and giving ourselves the permission to change.
After listening to me describe my endeavours over the last few years, she asked me a question that seemed a bit random at first:
“Did you have a favourite outfit when you were sixteen?”
I nodded, picturing dark wash skinny jeans from Hollister and a red chiffon shirt from Wet Seal with studded gold spikes along the collar. I had no idea where she was going with this…
“Would you wear that outfit today?” she asked. I shook my head, realizing how out of place that style felt now.
“Do you have a favourite outfit now?” she continued. I thought about my current favourite, a simple blue dress I thrifted recently, and slowly started to realize where she was going with this.
“And do you think you’ll still want to wear that outfit in ten years?” she asked. I shook my head again.
“Exactly,” she said. “You were a different person in each of these phases, and you’ll continue to evolve and grow into new ones. Each version of yourself makes choices based on their present and past.”
My biggest takeaway
Just as I had outgrown my fashion choices, I had also outgrown the career decisions and expectations I once held for myself.
If I can accept that my tastes and preferences change over time, why couldn’t I accept that my career path might change as well?
This one-hour session was truly life-changing.
Something I had been struggling with for more than two years slowly came to resolve in this session.
It became clear to me that it was okay to change direction and to let go of the expectations that no longer fit the person I had become. If you’re feeling lost in your 20s like I did, check out my mental health guide for “Gen Zs”
My experience with this life coach for young adults provided a unique advantage that therapy did not. While therapy had helped me understand and heal from past experiences, it was my coaching session that offered a new perspective on my future aspirations.
In this session we concentrated on where I want to go rather than where I’ve been, and since I had addressed many of my emotional barriers in therapy I was able to bridge the gap between introspection and actionable change.
Change doesn’t happen overnight, but this session gave me a perspective that I still carry with me a year later.
